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Off Balance, But Still on the Beam; 11/11/2010

posted Nov 11, 2010, 8:15 AM by Kathryn Simpson

 The off-balance, burgeoning dizziness I started feeling about a week ago has reached previously unforeseen heights of gross and helplessness. If I lie very still and don’t move my head at all, it seems like the merry-go-round slows. It doesn’t stop completely, but it’s okay. It’s tolerable. It’s the sitting up and standing and walking around that starts to feel like I’m on the Tom’s Twister ride at Six Flags. Only magnified by the worst whiskey/wine drunk of my life. All you whiskey/wine drinkers out there know exactly what I’m talking about.  Bleah.

On the bright side, some of the nausea has subsided. I don’t feel compelled to walk around with an emergency plastic bag in my pocket. It’s an improvement. But on the other hand, I’m missing opportunities to work at the restaurant. I’m missing days when I could take TFS to new bookstores. And I’m seriously starting to get cabin fever!

So, I’m trying to wait it out and be as patient as I have to be. Dr. Villegas (our fantastic pal at Ergomedica Clinic here in Chicago) feels confident this is a simplish fluid-in-the-ear issue. Which is a relief considering all the other potential causes of vertigo. Certainly, trips to the clinic and the pharmacy are not cheap. But cheap in regards to medicine is always relative. AntiVert is infinitely less expensive than an MRI. And looking on the bright side continues to be less strenuous than wallowing in self-pity.  If only the bright side would stop spinning!

In other news, I’m optimistic I’ll hear from the Tribune reporter tomorrow. Insider573 Magazine’s November/December issue should be out any day. The Borders book signing is just over two weeks away. Any of those things could set us up for an awesome holiday sales season. And I need it to be surpassing awesome. We need to make back a bit of this investment and fund publishing the next book. Which means I’ve got to grab a hold of something steady and get back to writing!

I’ve been thinking all day about Veteran’s Day, and this confounded vertigo. I’ve bee thinking, how fortunate am I that this is all that’s wrong with me? I’ve been thinking that if I were serving active military duty and suffering this little affliction…how uncomfortable! Sure! Give me a standard issue M16A2 and a sandy tent and watch me vomit in my helmet every time I have to turn my head!

But I’m lucky. I had the option to not enlist. I also get to rest in my warm little apartment with its convenient indoor plumbing. I get to sponge a ride off the husband for my visits to see Dr. Villegas. As usual, and somehow always, I am profoundly fortunate. Vertigo or not. Off balance or not. The beam may be wobbling, but I’m still on it. And I’m lucky to be here.

Though I do wish the bright light would stop spinning!

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