I haven’t written a blog in some time. It’s been a busy summer, and predominantly a happy one. We got to attend some joyful weddings. We had Friemly visit (Friends + Family = Friemly). I read a few books while I let Standing With Buffalo percolate in my mind…a necessary component for me sometimes when I’m stuck on a story arc that won’t quite congeal. And I’ve been at the restaurant a lot. Trying to be an asset and make hay while the sun shines, so to speak. I’ve been attempting to tiptoe through the dog days of summer while Chicago roasted like a lamb shank and the temperature in our apartment hovered between 85 and 90+ degrees. It hasn’t been particularly comfortable, on the whole, but I think Mother Nature has finally started to shake off her vendetta and turned her attention away from broiling the country alive and to other pursuits. Pursuits like pointing a hurricane at the center of Manhattan, for example.
Grateful as I am that the end of August looms, the disquieting resurgence of some of my neurological issues has me on a verge of tears I haven’t experienced in some months. I was so giddy when I wrote my last post…the news that little recurrences are normal, that no hamsters are harmed in the making of my Rx protocol…. Giddy! But, it seems two months is plenty of window for things to shift. Or alter. Or whatever it is that’s happening now. No serious return of the vertigo, thank the stars, but fatigue is a renewed issue. And this pesky thing with my vision is…well…pesky. And, because it’s hard to be honest but wise to be brave, I’ll admit I have some concern about other emotional elements of the disease. Difficulty processing anger is one. Over-the-top depression is another. Enough of a concern that I called the nice people at MSLifelines for advice. They advised I call the neurologist. Which I did. This resulted in such a frustrating phone confrontation with the physician’s assistant that I was immediately ensconced in a rage vs. depression bipolarity. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to throw plates out the window or curl up in the fetal position and cry for an hour. I ended up doing neither, but I did eat a bar of dark chocolate all on my own. It seemed to help some.
Today I feel like I’m barely holding myself together. Chills (and it’s not a shot day, so…not sure what that means), left-eye laziness, fatigue and the wobbles have all earned me another bar of dark chocolate. I am discouraged, true, but I remind myself the things for which I can be grateful.
- For whatever reason, Husband hasn’t given up on me in this unexpected turn of events.
- I didn’t write the screenplay for the remake of Conan the Barbarian.
- I have a clear vision of what’s happening with Standing With Buffalo, and I think it could be a book with a message.
- I have medical resources.
- I have family and friends who can laugh with me, and who share their love and lives with me.
- Autumn and Winter are coming.
- I don’t live in the path of hurricanes.
- No hamsters were harmed in the making of this blog.
So, you know, these are the kinds of things that help me keep some perspective. We all have troubles. We all have unexpected turns of events. We have little choice but to bear them with as much grace and humor as we can, until we can’t bear them any longer. And then we have to keep on bearing them. That is what I’m doing. And if you should see me bounce off some piece of furniture or other stationary object while I walk across a room, please don’t laugh at me. Laugh with me. And keep a bar of chocolate around for emergencies.