I find myself wondering often why I’ve decided this is the year…THIS year of all my now 48 years…why have I decided to go all in on sobriety? Pretty certain even considering my generally overwhelming good fortune this year is the year my foundations have been more than fractured. More than splintered. Possibly even shattered, but somehow still defying gravity by not collapsing. I think the sticky gooeyness of my metaphors is what’s holding me together. Like ((wait for it…)) spider web. Badump bump. **cymbol crash!**
Of course, I technically know why. But oh how it sucks. The entire basket of eggs is an entire suck. For me, the propensity to drink to excess is never about only one thing, right? My entire basket of suck eggs isn’t about only one thing either. Of course it’s not. And as hard as I’m working to keep my focus on one thing at a time, one day at a time, etcetera etcetera, it is the entirety of my basket and its myriad eggs that is working me over.
But I’m not alone. I acknowledge that. Gratefully. And I am working hard to be more than angry. More than fractured, splintered, possibly even shattered. Because there’s a lot of work to be done. And so much to learn.
This song is also hitting me hard today. Largely because of this Wikipedia background:
“No More ‘I Love You’s” is based on a concept in Roland Barthes‘ book A Lover’s Discourse: Fragments (Fragments d’un discours amoureux). In the liner notes of the 2015 re-issue of the album, Freeman revealed of the track’s lyrics: “Lyrically, when you say to someone “I love you”, it could be to your kids, your lover, your parents, usually, you hear, ‘I love you, too’. And then one day you say, ‘I love you’, and there’s silence because that person has reached the ‘no more “I love you’s” stage’. They cannot say ‘I love you, too’. It’s as simple as that. All I did lyrically, I think, was put it in Gothic terms.” –David Freeman
So there’s that, as well.